At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
