you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
