I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just want nice things and good sex
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
