yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
