My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
