I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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