I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
