Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
