The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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