I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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