Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
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We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
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whose parrot is this?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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