May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
