Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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