he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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