she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
