...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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