yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
