DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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