ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Alive.
So much puke
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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