You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
