She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
