Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
