I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
