I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to have your abortion
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
