OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
