He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
