my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
