I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
