my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...