Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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