sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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