uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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