haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
