Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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