I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
