So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
