i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
