a queef is a wish your heart makes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
