If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
