drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
