At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
