You made me cry and you don't even care
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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