Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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