We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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