I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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