I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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