i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
