If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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