When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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