I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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