i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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