yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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