please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
