i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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