I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
