my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
