So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
