So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
