...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
