i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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