he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
