why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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