Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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