I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
