I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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