just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
