my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
