letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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